Our Reason: Homeschool
Why do we homeschool?
The first and most important reason is because it is what works best for our family during this phase of our lives. Yes, there were a few factors that ultimately led to this choice, however what sealed the deal is the fact that we have the capacity to do so. I know this choice is not one majority of us can make. It always makes me uncomfortable when homeschool influencers imply it's the best and only right choice.
Why does it work for us?
I am a full time SAHM. As a former educator I love teaching and I love learning. I live in a state with very flexible homeschool requirements. I have started to build a homeschool community that is helping my children and myself thrive.
Being a SAHM was never in my plans. I got my masters degree in education and had just finished my second year of teaching fourth grade before deciding to stay home. Even then, it was only supposed to be for a year or two while I spent some quality time with my newborn son at the time. During that time I had started to learn about the possibilities of homeschool. At first, I was just wondering if it would be the best choice for my new baby who was showing signs of Autism Spectrum Disorder. As I was exploring the possibilities I realized that my third grader, who was in public school at the time, would have thrived in homeschool.
My First Born
Eli was always very bright, learned how to read really young and had a solid understanding of math concepts pretty early. Yet I was constantly getting complaints about his behavior. He called out all the time, he could not sit still on the rug, and he talked too much. Everytime I dropped him off at school I would have so much anxiety about the phone ringing with a complaint. I would play games on the way to school to have him run and burn some energy in hopes it would help. It often did. However, I received enough complaints to worry if maybe there was something else going on, possibly ADHD. When I brought up this concern to his teachers I was always told “well no I dont think its anything like that”. I was always made to feel that it must be a flaw in my parenting.
I noticed a pattern, when recess was canceled or shortened, his chances of getting in trouble would increase. He seriously needed movement. Although we were stuck in the house during the first few months of the COVID pandemic, he thrived with kid friendly movement videos and one to one focused attention. When he returned to school full time, he faced new problems. I had so much stress his entire third grade year and each month I was closer and closer to making the decision to withdraw him from public school.
All Roads led to Homeschool
When he ended third grade his report card and final writing assignment were the final deciding factors. His report card was so generic. Rarely any personalized information, it did not include his reading level. When I asked the teacher for it, he said “I think a level M” as if he didn't have anywhere to actually reference. Eli was also a level M since the end of second grade, so if he was correct that would mean he made no progress in an entire school year. His writing assignment, which he was so proud to show me, was way below the standard I would expect as an incoming fourth grader.
So I took the leap…
With a toddler at home and pregnant with our third. It was challenging. I had many moments of thinking I have deprived my son of a “proper education”. I had many days and weeks of not doing enough. But in my most overwhelming moments I have never thought going back to public school was best for him. So I would do whatever internal work needed to trust myself again. Year one was not going to be perfect, but public school wasn’t perfect either.
Four months ago my toddler was officially given an ASD diagnosis. He is non-verbal/speech delayed. I am so grateful that I am able to educate him alongside his siblings. For the past year and a half we have been able to take full advantage of early intervention services provided by the state of New Jersey. He has received developmental intervention, speech and occupational therapy at our home weekly. Now that he is aging out of early intervention, we will be navigating outpatient services for these things. This may bring on some challenges, but as always, we will adapt.
My homeschool philosophy is evolving
Adapting and being flexible with our homeschool journey has really molded by homeschool philosophy. At the core of what I truly want for my children is to prepare them for an ever changing world. I want them to have the skills to ride the waves of life as smoothly as possible. I want them to have high emotional intelligence to support them in building and maintaining community. I want them to be curious learners that know how to seek answers and think critically. The rest will ultimately be in their hands.
So I ride the waves of inspiration that come on this journey. I plan, I change course, I make mistakes, I start over. Yet the learning never stops. My oldest is the best big brother his siblings could have ever asked for. He is learning how to play the piano. He is excited about improving his cooking skills and eager to show them off when he has the opportunity. He has two different sets of homeschool friends. He is a brown belt in taekwondo and he joined our town's local wrestling team this summer. He is thriving in a way I didn't think was possible this time last year.
I do still suspect that he may be neurodivergent. We are working with a social worker to help us understand how ADHD manifests in children. She also helps us develop routines and ease some mother and son tension. We are seeing a pediatric neurologist in the new year to see if my suspicions are true and how to best support his needs. I have recently seen so many adults get their ADHD diagnosis for the first time. They have all expressed the relief it brings them. This has inspired me to seek the guidance of health care professionals so that if he does have ADHD, we aren't waiting years and years to teach him how to manage his needs.
Thank you for reading to the end. With love, Stephanie
